My Bedroom Floor Collapsed

It’s not as horrible as it sounds, but my bedroom floor did give way and scared the pee out of me. My kids and I were all sitting on my bed as my youngest was showing us a new game demo for a game he has been drooling over for a week. We were giggling over some of the stuff he was doing when it sounded like someone dropped a bunch of wood behind the head of the bed and then I felt it shift. We all looked at each other and my oldest jumped off the bed and I scrambled off my side of the bed as fast as I could. I think that is the fastest I have moved since June 26.

My youngest son was trying to figure out what was going on when my oldest looked at me and said “I know what that was! Mendel, get off the bed.” Mendel quickly crawled off the bed and Miles started inspecting something near the head of the bed, stood back up and said “OH! I was right! The floor collapsed!” WTF!? I walked around the bed and sure enough, the floor was bowing downward. Miles pulled my bed out and then the boys moved everything away from the damaged floor area while I tried to calm my nerves.

They moved the shelf away from the wall and moved everything around. My room looks like crap now but we can clearly see a nice sized gap where the floor and the wall meet, or where they used to meet. After a lot of oogling and nerve calming, Miles decided to investigate more. He walked over and stood on the area commenting on how flimsy it felt and his brother was so supportive of his curiosity by encouraging him to jump. Oh my, children! I told him not to give me a heart attack! Instead he settled for Miles putting both feet together in one spot. I was JUST about to explain why that was a bad idea when Miles laughed and said “OKAY!” and put his feet together… and then promptly dropped an inch.

I think I actually tasted my heart as it came leaping out of my throat. Trying to keep the calm-mom-in-the-face-of-danger mode, I said “Miles, why don’t you get off the collapsing floor and come over here.” The look on his face was priceless as he said “I can’t” and laughed nervously. It was a cross between a look that says “this is hilarious” and a look that said “I know I am about to meet the creepy spider family in the basement up close and personal!” I couldn’t help but laugh. So I grabbed a hold of him and pulled him towards me.

No one has gone downstairs to see if there is damage down there, and frankly I am not that curious. I am sure someone will go look eventually but it won’t be me! Besides having a hurt back and not being able to make it down and up the stairs again, have you actually seen my basement? It is creepy. Not just creepy like a normal creepy basement. My basement looks like the scene to a horror movie. No really! It does. Ever see Texas Chainsaw Massacre? You know that scene with the basement where they go down the creepy wooden stairs to a dirt and gravel floor and it’s dusty and dank and cobwebs everywhere. Yea, that is what my basement looks like. It scares the hell out of me!

As if that isn’t bad enough, I swear to you the amount of spiders down there is astronomical! There are cobwebs on top of cobwebs. It’s like those creepy attacks in the horror movies where you have to move spiderwebs to the side so you can get by. I open the door and I instantly hear shrieking horror movie music in my head. Mostly spiders don’t scare me. But a small army led by Aragog living in my basement makes my skin crawl off and leave the basement without me!

Here’s the kicker. The genius that built this place had the bright idea to put the breaker box DOWNSTAIRS in the MIDDLE of the basement! I want to find that sadistic bastard that had that epiphany and make them go downstairs and flip the breaker in the middle of the night because I sure the hell am NOT going down there. You could tell me there is a chunk of gold down there and I’ll do the same thing as when the breakers trip. I’ll call my brother and wait for him to get off work. He’ll go down there.

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I am that crazy lady that lives in the bell tower with all the bats. I keep blogging to keep what little sanity I have left.

Posted in Every Day Life, Ramblings

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