This week I figured out that football season is out in full force. I know it actually started a few weeks ago but then too, I haven’t left my house until I actually had to.
Nothing gets me more angry, worked up and downright livid as football.This whole time of year just grates my last damned nerve, what with Thanksgiving (I’m allergic to turkey) and football and the whole football teams playing, the football talk, the football crap on my recipe websites and all that crap.
It makes me want to hop into my car, drive to the nearest mental institution, strip naked, run to the lobby and scream “I AM SKIN WOMEN! I WILL SAVE YOU!” and then attempt to jump through the nearest window. With any luck, I will be happily sedated until about two weeks after the super bowl.
What most people don’t seem to understand is that there are people on this planet who don’t give a crap about some game where men in tights play ball toss up and down a field. I really don’t give a crap! And no, I don’t care if “your team” won, or lost, or fumbled, or touch down or touched down under or hiccupped or whatever else they did. I generally could not care any less about football than I already do.
I just don’t get why people are so obsessed about football. Before you try to get me to join the dark side, I DID try to get into football years ago. I am proud to announce that I did not kill myself during that time. And that’s all.
I couldn’t get into it. People around me would be furious that whoever fumbled and “our” team did this and that and THEIR team blablabla… and then the war between friends would start with who has the better team. I wish people would get this pissed off about something important… like the elections, or starving children or the pathetic health care system (or the worse one coming up)… the world’s problems would be solved.
I have seen family members disown other family members over the football team they chose. I have seen people fist fight when someone else’s team caught the ball or intercepted or whatever stupid football thing happened. There have even been riots because of football. RIOTS people. Are you kidding me? A riot because your team didn’t win?
What kind of sportsmanship is this supposed to teach kids?
Anyway, I digress… so football season has started and I already have a headache. Now it’s something about the refs on strike… fine. Then it was the stupid refs… whatever. And now all I have heard for the last week is about [insert long string of profanity] FOOTBALL! I don’t give a damn about who called what, whose side caught it or didn’t and I don’t give a shit who won either.
I just don’t care! And I dread spending the next few months listening to the mind-numbing debate over who has the team that is the best and coolest.
Yippee freaking doo dah. I get to have it shoved down my throat for the next few months about how AWESOME it is to sit and drink beer while stuffing your face and watching a bunch of guys play with their balls!
I am so going to therapy on Monday…