I filed for disability back in December. I figure that I can’t depend on my ex forever. I can’t get a job because no one will hire me. Hell, I have days where I’m thrilled I can dress myself. Most days I need help for a lot of the things I do.
Why? What’s Wrong With You?
Well, when I walk, I get this horrible grinding feeling in my back like someone is putting a vice grip around my spine. It gets very difficult to walk and I have sharp shooting pains that run up and down my back and into my legs. At times it hurts to stand up straight.
That’s the part that gets to me. It’s not all the time though. Thank goodness because I’d be a hot mess if that was my life all the time. Sometimes, I feel like my legs are falling asleep but not quite numb enough to actually be asleep. Sometimes I still fall because, suddenly my legs stopped working and aren’t there. I call this “AGH! My legs left me!”
I can’t lift anything over, like maybe five pounds… sometimes 8 pounds, at the most. I know the paper said I could lift 3-5 pounds safely, 8 pounds occasionally, and 15 pounds rarely.
I also have costochondritis which flares up a lot. When it does, I can’t lift my coffee cup high enough to pour coffee into my mouth. I love straws.
Just so this doesn’t get too long, I put down on the disability paperwork, that I have spondylosis, 44 documented food allergies, anaphylaxis to 6 (or so) different things, Heat allergy that can lead to Angioedema attacks and anaphylaxis (only once so far), a bulging disc, and some other problems.
Each one by itself isn’t difficult. But you put them all together and it’s pretty difficult to have a life.
And What Did Disability Say?
They said that I can do some other kind of work besides work as a certified nurse assistant.
Okay, let’s go to the job listings here and see what other jobs I can do. I’ll pick the first five I see that I have the education for. So, nothing that needs associates or anything like that.
Job #1: Motel Housekeeper: I couldn’t lift anything. The lifting requirement is out of my field at 50 pounds. I would be on my feet a lot. I am sure they don’t want me falling all over the place. I can’t clean my own house most days, must less 20 or so rooms.
Job #2: Bank Teller: Oh no. I would be on my feet all day long. You throw in background noise and I can’t hear you. I don’t answer phones because I can’t hear very well. Actually, I can hear it’s just I can’t understand what is being said. But being on my feet is a no-no. I would be falling all over the place.
Job 2A: Police Officer (Not qualified but I can dream… right?): *GASP* Add in a girly squeal too! I would love to be a police officer. BUT, I can’t lift, I can’t do strenuous work, and I can barely drive myself to the store without dying from pain. So no to being a police officer.
Job 3: Fence Installer: Oh WOW! They pay good too! But I can’t lift 100 pounds. Nope. And it’s outside. So sunshine and heat.
Job 4: Restaurant Cook: Okay, one, long days standing and cook. Two, I can’t lift the required lifting of whatever they want, I can’t bend down, I can’t stoop, I can’t touch turkey or peanuts, I can’t get too hot in the kitchen, AND I don’t have a reliable winter time vehicle to drive the 24 miles one way each day that I work. I couldn’t drive that by myself if I wanted to.
Job 5: Waitress: First problem I always run into is that I don’t have one year experience working as a waitress. Beyond that, I would fall from being on my feet, I can’t lift 25 or more pounds (for one of the ads), and I can’t work in a fast-paced environment because I walk slower than a dead snail. No, seriously. I am so slow it’s ridiculous.
Now, What Job Can I do?
Oh and I forgot to mention the pompholyx on my feet. It is nasty. If I wear shoes, it flares up until it feels like my feet are burning and then they swell. So no shoes unless absolutely required.
I would write more, and I am going to, but I can’t make money at it. I am working on kid’s books but, I can’t scan the drawings so that you can actually see them. I have been fighting this for a while now.
Now, seriously, what job am I going to do?
I know people are well-meaning when they point out ways to heal myself… but do you guys really think that in the last three years I haven’t tried every crazy idea that came my way? I tried yoga. Please don’t send me the link to the crippled guy and yoga turned his life around and now he’s walking. I tried yoga too. I could barely move after one month of yoga.
I am trying everything but my back keeps getting worse to the point that I question how long I will be walking and when I will end using my walker 100% of the time. I am embarrassed to use it but I do need it sometimes.
So, dear disability board… what job can you find for me, that I can do in a very reclined position, that I don’t have to talk to people, I can do barefoot, and I don’t have to lift anything.
Name a job… I will try it.